…continued…

Your potentialities, your creativities, are rapidly slipping away along with time, through the gaps between your fingers.  Before you even realize, it’s gone. Your spirit. Your time. Your energy.  Take charge of your life. Your every new thought is creating your next reality.  Your personality reconstruction is within you.

I’m aware of all this, but what am I to do?  That zest for life is lost somewhere.  Actually, this sense of boredom and frustration stems from this dormancy …To vacillate and hesitate in your field of activity, is worse than death itself .  Action is the answer, not inaction.  Nike is apt when it says JUST DO IT.  Remember that everything is the construct of your own mind.

All these confusions in the mind are bullshit. I don’t know why we walk around like victims, when there is so much to life. Congratulations!  Hello!  You are alive … Cheers to the spirit in me!  Smoke away the worries, smoke away the deadlines, but wait not till tobacco jams your lungs. Drink and drink like a fish, but don’t spend half your life stinking of Fosters.

Self-control is not a virtue to be possessed with unease, but to be discriminated subjectively.  You control your senses. Let not your senses overpower you.  Refuse to become victims to circumstances.

I’ve been trying to make these smoke rings, but they simply diffuse out into the air, without leaving their mark on the world, except that lingering smell of nicotine…. I’m already feeling a little heavy in the head. I leave my half-filled glass of whisky.  Whisky is a brilliant brown, when light cracks through it … I walk out… Feeling confident…

..continued..

Its human habit to glorify weaknesses such as need, compassion and project them as high-sounding virtues to support our weak mind. Empires of the mind, are empires of the future. It’s very difficult, you know. Has to be brought about by minute to minute awareness.

But you are aware, aren’t you, of the circumstances which have made me the way I am. I’m swimming in these depths of mental depression. Well, basically, you must help yourself.  The world, comrade, has no mercies. It only has its ruthless laws! The world is dirty with all its imperfections, but are you perfect yourself?  We have no control over WHAT WE MEET in life. But HOW we meet WHAT we meet is very much under our control.

You are but, a pathetic helpless expression of your past. This syndrome of sympathizing with yourself has almost become like immunity.  I can’t figure out the course my life is taking. It’s all so cloudy. I’m most dissatisfied with the sequence of happenings. Realize you are a part of the larger picture.  And more importantly, everything happens for our own growth.

I wake up in the morning, my headache has turned into a heartache …my head is bursting at its seams. Its 6:30 in the morning, I reach out for the last of Bensons  & Hedges….  Fretting about the monotony of life. What is the meaning of it all?  Is it all worth it?

Nothing is worth it.  Cheers again to nihilism.  Investment of matter and spirit in anything is worthless.  I’ve had my share of shattered hopes, visions belied, ambitions thwarted. That is why my liver needs liquor.  But what you don’t understand however is, you are moving further and further away from the core issues of life. …

to be continued..

I reach out for that last peg, I promise I’ll not have another one, just this last. After all I deserve this, what with the miserable life I’m leading in the world of reality. We enjoy pitying ourselves, don’t we?  I can feel the nicotine in my nostrils, I’m told its an expensive brand, should be smoked till the butt of the cigarette. There is a disease in the world, a ceaseless suffering….

I gulp it down, whatever it is … vodka …informs a friend. Cheers to the pain and ugliness in the world! Cheers to the unjust and negative world! My senses take an ecstatic flight, my mind goes reeling through the noisy logic of my explanations….

Excuse me! But do I need a reason why I smoke and booze big time? I do so, because I enjoy it. It unplugs me from this wretched life. Not valid? Fine, let me begin justifying. My life is being plagued by a galore of problems. I don’t care a damn as long as there is rum.

Life of escapism, you would argue. I know most of them are my self-created complexities. Running away from problems does not make them nonexistent. Besides its cowardice. Me, a coward?  No way! You can never understand the pain in my life. It’s not fair. I’ve been taken for granted by profane people. What about slogging my butt out till the wee hours in the morning?  I haven’t reached anywhere, anyway. What is life, but a series of unsuccessful endeavors … Hold on! That still doesn’t explain why tobacco should inflame my lungs…

I walk to my bed, unsteadily; there is a dull ache in my head and my vision is blurring. Why do I land myself in such circumstances? Regret. Regret. Life is one big regret.  Its funny, I always feel empty and hollow.

You should anchor yourself to a purposeful goal. I know I should, but don’t know how I get deflected. This is where clarity of thought comes in. I’m sure of what I don’t want, but don’t exactly know what I want. Disillusionment reigns. There is only an engulfing sense of frustration.