Its human habit to glorify weaknesses such as need, compassion and project them as high-sounding virtues to support our weak mind. Empires of the mind, are empires of the future. It’s very difficult, you know. Has to be brought about by minute to minute awareness.

But you are aware, aren’t you, of the circumstances which have made me the way I am. I’m swimming in these depths of mental depression. Well, basically, you must help yourself.  The world, comrade, has no mercies. It only has its ruthless laws! The world is dirty with all its imperfections, but are you perfect yourself?  We have no control over WHAT WE MEET in life. But HOW we meet WHAT we meet is very much under our control.

You are but, a pathetic helpless expression of your past. This syndrome of sympathizing with yourself has almost become like immunity.  I can’t figure out the course my life is taking. It’s all so cloudy. I’m most dissatisfied with the sequence of happenings. Realize you are a part of the larger picture.  And more importantly, everything happens for our own growth.

I wake up in the morning, my headache has turned into a heartache …my head is bursting at its seams. Its 6:30 in the morning, I reach out for the last of Bensons  & Hedges….  Fretting about the monotony of life. What is the meaning of it all?  Is it all worth it?

Nothing is worth it.  Cheers again to nihilism.  Investment of matter and spirit in anything is worthless.  I’ve had my share of shattered hopes, visions belied, ambitions thwarted. That is why my liver needs liquor.  But what you don’t understand however is, you are moving further and further away from the core issues of life. …

to be continued..